Sadden But Different

I feel different... I feel sad but it is not because of things I don't have... It's because I can't seem to appreciate the things I do have. I am always so worried about money...whats the point i can't take it with me when i die. I wish I could have time for the things i want to do...I barely have any alone time and when i do its at night when i am asleep... I dream of all the things i wish i had. I wish that I didn't feel half of what i do. Jealously, rage, and many more.

New Life

My life has changed alot in the past 6 months. I was living on my own, well with a bf and now i am back living with my parents. I love my parents and they have been awesome but i loved having my own apartment. Being able to choose when to go home and it desn't matter what time. Having whom ever i want over. I can't wait to sleep in my bed again. I will be so happy.

Maybe if I am lucky I will be with someone that loves me when i get my own apartment.............

Free Byrd

So the bastard finally gave up on me. After 3 years he told me he doesn't love me anymore. I tell you what this definalitly is changing my mind about marrige in general. I don't want to be married ever. Everything gets to complicated. I am going to move out. I don't want my life anymore that i have. I want to be able to do whatever i want and mostly that is working. I hate someone telling me i can't work this shift or get mad if i do. I want to work. I need be free. I am hopefully leaving in a couple of months. I did some me time. I miss me. I miss my freedom that i had. I am losing weight and my mom thinks i will be a little slut again. That is not going to happen. I don't want a relationship for at least a few years. I don't to go on dates. I want to focus on me and my goals. I can't do that here. All the stuff going through my head it just kills me. It is making me sick. I want out. I want to be free as a byrd.

Drive Myself Crazy

I'm making this so crazy. I am just don't know what to do. How can you tell someone that you can't love them anymore? Even if you know that you will always love them. It the hardest thing to do, to turn around and walk away pretend I don't love him. So what should I do. His confessions and his heart exploding to me as if he thinks he can change everything. Why must this be so confussing.

"I'm Lost Without You"

I feel alone again. There is still that feeling of emptiness inside of me. I know what it is but I know I must restrain and just try to get over it. The pain hurts so much. But I must ignore everything I feel. Your gone and this time I believe it is forever. I will miss you and hope that you will find happiness. Even though you hurt me for all these years, leading me on and lying about me to your closest friends and family, I still forgive you and pray that your life will be better without me in it. I hope that your heart will learn to understand everything that you did to me and everything thing I did to you. I hope you can forgive me.

Strange Feelings

I never thought things would end up this way 3 years ago. Somethings have turned out better then i thought but i still feel like something it missing. My mom says it is Jesus. I agree but I beieve there is something else. Maybe my health, I don't know. Maybe my heart is still healing. I still think about him a lot and i hope that is moving on and happy. I just hope he forgets about me. However i know i will always think of him. He was my first love even if we werent right for each other.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I don't think I could understand everything if i read it in a book or if someone told me. This is a strange life, mostly filled with depression and hurt.